I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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