That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
