I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
