let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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