Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
