At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
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