Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
