I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
