Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Define "chronic" masturbator.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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