Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
