Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
