I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
