he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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