whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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