I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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