My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize