Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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