I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
