Jerry, you need to find god
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Randomize
