Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
