Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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