I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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