i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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