from now on my penis is your penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
