I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
