so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
