I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
