You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
