I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
