Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
