Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
