I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
