remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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