Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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