Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
