I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
