i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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