There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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