highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize