You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
