what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
