i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
