Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
there is glitter all over my balls
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