so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
