Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
