I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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