i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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