I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
