I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
