I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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