I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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