i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
