we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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