I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
