I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
