just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
