He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
