I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
