i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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