Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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