two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I believe in your delicious
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
