well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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