How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
