wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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