went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
