I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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