it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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