Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
