So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
