Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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