That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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