you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
