moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
